I Made a Kid Cry - And It Wasn't My Kid

A couple of weekends ago we all went up to Prescott so the kiddos could see their first snow. As usual, we stayed with PopPop Doug, Carol, Liam and Jean at their house and had a great time relaxing, playing with the kids, watching movies, etc.

Fin and Greta loved their first snow experience (pictures to come soon) and their 5-yr old uncle Liam showed them how to sled like a big kid (with Mommy or Daddy, of course). Greta mostly wanted to eat the snow and we learned very quickly that we did not have appropriate snow gear for any of us when Fin's boots kept falling off and his socks and hands were soaked and cold.

After our snow adventure, we went back to the house, made dinner and relaxed. Fin and Liam were done eating before any of the adults as usual, so they were allowed to be excused with the condition that all the grown-ups be allowed to continue eating and chatting in peace. After a few minutes, Greta joined them to play.

Now, I know that Greta is only 2 and Liam will be 6 in a month, but most of the time there are very few issues about all three of the kids playing together. On this evening, Liam had some new Lego toys and was being a little possessive, which is every 5-yr old's right.

From the other room, we heard Liam yell at Greta, "No, you can't play with these Legos. These are big kid Legos! You're too little for these."

I tried to explain to Liam that Greta plays with the small Legos at our house all the time and she's really quite good with them, but I also knew he just might not want to share his new toy with her, which was okay.

A few minutes later, Greta wandered back to the table with a sad look on her face and grabbed Dave's arm, saying, "Daddy, play with me. Me baby."

Dave was still eating, but I told her I'd play with her. I grew up being the youngest and smallest kid and I worry that as Liam and Fin grow up it will be very easy for her to be left out because she's younger or because she's the girl. I had mentioned this concern over dinner earlier in the night and was quite sad to see her already being told that she was the baby and couldn't play with the "big boys".

Greta and I went into the living room and found some little people to play with. There was a castle, a knight, a king and queen, some dragons, plenty of fun for a 2-yr old and her mommy.

At one point, Greta picked up the knight and said, "Baby." Then she grabbed the queen and announced, "Mommy." She put both people into the little bed and said, "They go sleep. They nurse."

I thought this was just about the sweetest thing she could have been pretending, until she picked up the king, called him, "Daddy" and fit him into the bed with the other two toys. Then she sat back proudly and said, "Family!"

While Greta was playing this very sweet game of pretend, Liam and Fin had wandered into the living room and decided to start playing with the same toys we were using. I had no problem sharing, but when Liam blocked Greta from getting to the castle, I had to step in.

I pointed out that the boys could not tell Greta she couldn't play with them and then come take the other toys she found to play with away from her. They were free to exclude her, but it just wasn't nice to come take toys away and I wasn't going to let it happen.

I wasn't mad at the boys and I thought I was saying all of this as plainly as possible without using my mean mommy voice, but apparently I wasn't so successful.

After getting Greta set up with the castle again, I looked around and realized Liam was no longer in the room. Fin was playing happily with the Lego toys still, completely unfazed. I called to Liam and asked him to come back and play WITH us instead of taking the toys away and got no response.

I walked into the other room and found him sitting alone with a toy and crying. My heart broke.

In trying to protect one kid's feelings, I - the ADULT - had hurt another kid instead. Bad, bad grown-up.

Liam and I have never had a touchy-feely relationship. He's a very sweet kid and I like him a lot, but he's always preferred Dave (his older brother) over me and is pretty shy a lot of the time. He'll talk to me if I ask him a direct question, but in the almost 6 years that I've known him, he rarely seeks me out to talk to or play with.

When I saw him sitting there, I just started crying with him. I asked him if I could hold him and he didn't refuse when I picked him up and cradled him in my lap. He's a really tall kid, but I was quickly reminded that he's still so young. I just held him and rubbed his back while we both cried and I tried to explain to him that I NEVER meant for him to not play with us; I was just concerned about Greta because she's so little and it's so easy for the big boys to leave her out.

I apologized for hurting his feelings and assured him that I really wanted him to play with us again.

Eventually we both calmed down and he let me just snuggle him for a little while, which was really sweet. We did all play together more that night and the next day and I made sure to show him some extra affection for the rest of the trip. He's such a quiet, smart and sweet kid, it's easy to forget that he's still only 5.

I never wanted to learn a lesson at Liam's expense, but this was a pretty good reminder that my Mama Bear protection instincts for my own kids should never be unleashed full force on another kid.