The World's Best Shoes

Ahhhh - that feels better...

As most of you know, I don't care about fashion labels, what's in style in any given season or who is wearing what (who?) when. But being a bit of a pop culture junkie and a woman in my 30s, I'm very, very familiar with the scene from Sex in the City when Carrie Bradshaw coos to a pair of shoes in a store window, "Hellloooo, lover." If I really cared about these things I could tell you more about the shoes themselves, but that's my point - I can't and don't really care to know more about them.

I swear I have never felt that way about a pair of shoes. But after getting the clearance from my doctor yesterday to start doing some activity again, my body woke up at my usual 4am run time (I haven't needed an alarm for this in weeks) and I grinned to know I was going to get to be up and be active again.

Obviously, I have not been cleared to run. The impact would be way too much on my mega-bruised and healing body. But just tying on my sweet little Nikes gave me such a rush. All I could think to myself was, "Oh, THIS is what she meant when she cooed to the shoes."

I haven't been a runner very long - actually only started in June - and I even hesitate to call myself a runner in front of most people because I know I'm such a novice still. But the mental peace, the relaxation, the anticipation of knowing I was going to get to be out before sunrise enjoying the desert and the heat, getting my blood moving was just incredible.

I know not every day with cancer is going to be a good one. Hell, most people would think even the expectation of ANY good days with cancer is crazy, but today - even though it's only 5:30am - has reminded me of many things:

My body has not failed me. My body is strong and healthy and we have a blip that we're fixing and getting rid of - it will just take some time to heal.

I am not weak for getting frustrated at how long it's taking me to heal. After all, four days ago I had breasts. Today I have bruises, scars and swelling. Heck, after Fin was born I was barely getting out of bed four days later, much less tying on my running shoes and heading out into the neighborhood.

I have way more people than I ever expected offering to help me shower and brush my hair when I have trouble with it. Or even when I don't have trouble with it. ;) (And no, I'm not sharing names of those who have offered help with showers...)

And before any of you tell me to take it easy and not push too hard, I swear I went for a nice leisurely walk with my nurse friend and she ONLY let me do a mile this morning. I really want to get back to being active, but I know the best way to make it happen is to not do too much too soon and set myself back any. The cancer has set me back enough; I'm not helping it more.

The other good news is all the anti-inflammatory and pain meds have made that knee injury I'd been nursing for a few weeks totally a thing of the past. Bonus, huh?

So today my smile is back. I'm okay if it comes and goes throughout this process, but seeing those shoes sitting next to my bed instead of being put away in the closet definitely, definitely helps.

:) <3
-B-